Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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