i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize