Just fell off a train. Bad.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
