the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
