college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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