I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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