don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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