I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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