actually, I'm a sock model
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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