at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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