Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
