Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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