and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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