If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
