I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
