our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Randomize