So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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