remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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