One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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