I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
