I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
