i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
