so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
