I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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