Your face is a jimmy john
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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