omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
