guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize