She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
