I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i need some magic done to my vagina
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
