yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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