Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
