I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Enjoy the penises
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
