I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
