i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
