haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
