The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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