is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
