just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
