My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
she peed on how many people?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Oh god it's open bar.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize