somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The best revenge is premature balding
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
