I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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