A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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