Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
