It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
