maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
