i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize