You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
