I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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