GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Damn victory sex feels great
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
