this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
