last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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