I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
