Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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