I'm going to jail i love you
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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