Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize