If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
