what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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