i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
