she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
