for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize