she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
