totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
