why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize