I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
