he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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