He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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