it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
This gyro tastes like lonliness
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
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