just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
why is half of my head shaved?
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