I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
