he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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