So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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