im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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