i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
