Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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