if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
