I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Randomize