this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
