you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
