these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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