Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
