Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
