everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Is it because I queefed?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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