she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
