I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize