There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
this is an emotional support booty call
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
