youre lurking in front of me
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
