Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
