first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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