she was so not down for the gang bang
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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