Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize