Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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