it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
