so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
