Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
