Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
