I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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