Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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