Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
