They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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