I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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