Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I would fuck him just for his dog
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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