Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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