Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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