oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
