The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize