I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
