dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
