omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize