Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
