Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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