I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He passed out mid-signature
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
