I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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